I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
