Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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