Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
