Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
