So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
