so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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