Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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