i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
