She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
