Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
