Jerry, you need to find god
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
