At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
