Are we in a gay sports bar?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My penis needs a shock collar
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
