I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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