Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
