The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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