Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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