mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
