I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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