I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
