I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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