"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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