Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
