There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
