he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
