I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
