First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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