so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
how drunk are you?
Several
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
