how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
