So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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