what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
