I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
