I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
All I want is dick and wine.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
