moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
