4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
