In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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