The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
