he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Randomize
