we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
