I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
