Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
