Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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