Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
