Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
