Soap is not a condiment
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
