you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
