nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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