this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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