i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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