Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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