While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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